I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
