You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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