Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
