i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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