dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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