so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
