Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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