I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My vagina is officially offended.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
