I hate all girls vehemently.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
