I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
