Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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