he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
