Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
