Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
