i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
