True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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