All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
