its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
