You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
