I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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