maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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