Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
