I'm gonna have a badass scar
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
