There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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