Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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