You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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