Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
