i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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