That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
