As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
