True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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