one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
