you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
