u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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