I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
how drunk are you?
Several
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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