Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
