The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
