We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
