I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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