Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
