Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
