its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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