No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
