Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
