I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
