Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
