haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
