Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
