you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
