i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
