Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
