You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
