so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
