Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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