Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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