He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
