so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
