In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm always down for nudity.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
