haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
