His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
