My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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