Non-Jews are for practice
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize