i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
