I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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