Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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