im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
