So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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