He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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