I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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