Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
