No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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