Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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