your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
